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Jaye_Darque
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Name: Jaye
Location: Phoenix, Arizona, United States
Birthday: 3/28/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: Art, writing, books, manga, comics, rock music, making fun of things, Hugh Jackman, originality, Johnny Depp, webcomics, photography, Social Distortion, anarchy, movies, food, soda, surrealism, the color indigo, winter, Hawaii, computers, xbox, so on.
Expertise: alliterative apathetic athiest anarchist artist
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  vendettagirl9
Member Since:
9/1/2005
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| So it's the second to last week of school, I've got good grades in most of my classes, I just got back from a fun camping trip with my friends, on which I had a great time...and I'm so fucking depressed I want to scream. I really hate this, it bothers the hell out of me. I'm not even reading anything depressing! I'm just sort of tired from camping, I'm not on my period or anything, I'm just kind of...there. And unhappy. I think part of it is that I really want to get a job, but that's nothing new, I have been looking for one since march. My friends are all apperantly able to find jobs right off the bat, which is ridiculous but true. I keep trying to find out why I'm so unhappy by thinking of different things and seeing if I get more upset. It's kind of like poking your arm to find out where it's broken. But it totally isn't working, so I guess I'll just shut up here. I don't know. | | |
| This month I've been reading about the Chinese Cultural Revolution, on and off. I say on and off because I've had to stop reading the books because I get too sad. For those of you who don't know, the cultural revolution was a time shortly after China became a communist country. Students were taught all their lives to be completely obedient to the communist party and Mao Zedong. They became like a cult,, and Mao urged them on. They killed millions of people on the flimsiest of pretenses and destroyed much of china's cultural artifacts. The book I am reading now, called Born Red, is the memoirs of a boy in the red guard, which is what the students called themselves. He was about fifteen, and he and his classmates persecuted their teachers and their friends for the stupidest reasons. I literally did have to put down the book when he talked about his history teacher attempting suicide after being hounded about being a subversive capitalist. I should probably stop reading this sort of thing, I'm getting depressed anyways, but all the other books I have are depressing as well. Hell, even my comic books are really sad. Light fluffy books just annoy me too much to finish. So, here is my question: does my choice of reading material affect my depression, or does my depression affect what I read? | | |
| blargh. I am definately sliding into depression again, lovely lovely. I am extremely tired and possibly sick, and of course bored, since that is mainly my usual state of mind.I also have a frikkin crush again, most people would be happy but I just get annoyed when this sort of thing happens. And I am typing this right next to a kid who I think has a crush on me, but I do not feel the same. I am really hoping that he doesn't look over or it will be awkward. This is the first time in my life that someone has sought me out romantically, as opposed to the other way around, and it is mainly worrying, although it does make me feel like I am capable of having a relationship. It's nice to feel that you're semi-normal in that respect. I like feeling sort of vaguely attractive, even though that feeling goes away whenever I see my face. Actually, I think my problem is not in my looks, and anyways I can't do anything about my features. My personality is all fucked up, and while sometimes I like it, other times I get so tired of being a mopey little shit like I am being right now. I try too hard, I talk about myself too much (irony alert), I am compiling a list of my faults here, which is not too great. Ah well, I will stop being negative now. | | |
| I keep trying to force myself to type some stuff up, but I am not doing it! Instead I keep fucking around on xanga and playing the sims 2, which is like crack for Jamie. I literally spent my entire day yesterday playing that son of a bitching game. Also I got some stephen king books from the library, so it is really amazing that I am still functioning instead of being huddled in the corner muttering the words to "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came" (You who have read these books, YOU KNOW to what I am refering.) In any case it is ten o'clock, and I should probably go to bed now. have a non-addictive week! | | |
| I am 16 now, thank you, thank you, it was nothing. And...that's really it. I am pretty bored. Working on two different stories, and trying to not start on another one, because I will never finish it. And that is the end. | | |
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